It was week I planned to post my first communication on social media. I went to work in the morning, ready to deliver training. My throat felt sore, but I thought I would push through, have some vitamins and get over it. Placing my bag in the locker, I yelled “good morning” to a friend. To my surprise, the first word sounded like a grumpy old man and the second did not make it. I spoke some more and realised I had almost entirely lost my voice. Upon this realisation, one of my beautiful caring team members cancelled the training and advised me to go home and rest, which I did. The GP diagnosed me with laryngitis. I slept most of that day. At one point, I remember waking up and pondering my lost voice. “Why is my body restricting me from sharing my voice? I’ve never had laryngitis before. So why now?” Nothing came to me and I drifted off to sleep again. The next morning, still unable to speak, I pondered that same question. I leaned over to reach for my hot cup of peppermint tea and saw my Confident Woman Freedom prototype deck of cards sitting next to it. In my mind, I started revising my to-do list, prior to the cards’ launch date, at the end of August. First one on that list was to post my first communication on social media. Then I remembered. “I was meant to do that yesterday.” And then the light bulb came on. “Wow, it’s my fear of sharing my voice, showing up by not having one.” I paused in amazement. “I must fear sharing my voice so much that I have created not having a voice in order to protect myself from that which I fear.” I continued to look deeper. “What is it that I’m afraid of?” But my mind went foggy and then blank. “Hmmm…” I thought. “Clever. Another form of protection.” If I can’t get clarity on my fear, I can’t look into it and resolve it. Therefore, I can’t move forward. I stay where I am, which makes me feels safe.” I recognised an old pattern of mine. So instead of speaking to the fear directly, I chose to speak to the part protecting me from it. I thanked my foggy mind for being here. After all, it’s here to keep me safe from the potential “scary” unknown. I shuffled the deck of CWF cards and choose a card with this question “What if I gradually calm myself?” and followed the activity I’ve written for this card. I tapped on the meridian point located on the soft dip between your collarbones, where a man’s bow tie would sit, while voicing my present fear. This opens up the energy flow in your body and creates the first point of tension release. While tapping on this point for approximately 5min I continued repeating “Even though I’m afraid of sharing my voice, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.” Then, I sat quietly, holding my silenced throat. I thought, “I would like to speak to the part of me that is protecting me from looking into my fear.” I paused and then asked, “What are you protecting me from?” A distant voice came to me, which resolved in a conversation with myself, where I realised I was afraid of being open, vulnerable, misunderstood and judged. Throughout my own dialogue, I came to a peaceful conclusion that I have no control of the way others perceive me. And if they do so in an unpleasant way, the only thing I do have control of is to remind myself of my true intention behind the words I voice. I know my voice will not resonate with all and that’s ok. I will continue to speak to the ones choosing to hear my true intention. A beautiful sense of peace spread from my heart, throughout my whole body. I am so grateful for being able to find a gift in the face of my sickness and to be able to share “my voice” with you. Wishing you all the very best of everything life has to offer, Love, Eva
What if I choose to share my voice?
